Motherhood Isn’t a Competition

Chocolate Tour at DeBrand’s

I was reading a blog post from a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM) and how she had moments of depression. Not the clinical sort. Moments of isolation, guilt, longing.

Here’s the problem…

Every mother has that. You aren’t special. Be it stay-at-home-moms or working moms. We all deal with this at some point, to some degree. Making it a SAHM vs working mom issue is yet another thing to divide mothers.

We’re a sisterhood of motherhood.

I work out of necessity. When I see a SAHM complaining about staying home, it kinda makes my frustrated because I would love to be able to choose to stay home with the kids. To see all the milestones, be able to volunteer for all of the trips, to be able to attend storytime at the library.

I’m sure SAHM feel something similar when I chatter about work frustrations. They’re kinda jealous that I’m in the company of adults all day. I don’t have to watch “Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood” for the umpteenth time or listen to Caillou’s whiny voice for preschool entitlement.

SAHMs have the opportunity to connect with other SAHMs. I don’t really get a chance to connect with my friends who are SAHMs. I’m at work during the day. When I get home, I have to do all of those same things that SAHMs do. Scrubbing a toilet is the same whether you’re doing it at 1 in the afternoon or 9 at night.

We really aren’t that different.

I feel isolated when my fellow moms have a lunch or play date. I can rarely attend due to my work schedule. I don’t get a lot of girls’ nights out because I have to work, sometimes on the weekends. That’s also my time with the kids or to catch up on laundry or the number of other things that I need to get done.

The drive to work is that much more difficult in the morning when I have to pry a sick, crying toddler off of me. I’m fortunate that I work with a flexible company that allows me to stay home on days that I really need to, but lots of other working moms aren’t so lucky.

I keep it inside when I feel like I’ve failed my family, either by being away at work or by something that’s happened at home. Sometimes, I miss things, and I feel like the kids suffer. Other times, laundry is behind, and my 4-year-old doesn’t have any clean socks to wear.

I’m not looking to downplay the life of a stay-at-home-mom or have you pity the life of a working mom. I’m just saying we both need to stop playing the pity card. We both work hard for our families. We both love our children and want what’s best for them.

The point is, as women and mothers, we need to find a way to be there for each other. Whether we work or stay home. My ear listens just as well a mom who stays home. I’m a mom, too. I get it.

Being a mother is hard work, and we all deserve some credit.

3 thoughts on “Motherhood Isn’t a Competition

  1. Great post! I think a lot of the divide starts with the wording itself…ALL MOTHERS WORK and we receive some type of return of our work. So, by classifying Mothers who bring in monetary income outside of the home as “working Moms” and Mothers who do not receive a financial return as “stay at home Mom” is a misnomer. I do not gain income from being at home with my children, but I do “work” so to speak 😊. We are all Mothers first regardless of how we to choose to be mothers 😊. Great post.

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